"I Need A Hero"

Saturday

I was inspired to write down everything that it is I’m after in life, as well as some positive affirmations I like after I read the chapter “I Need A Hero” in Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. I feel like reading a written reminder of what’s most important at the start of the day is what will set me up not to waste it. Each morning, I read a piece of paper I wrote that’s titled “BE YOUR OWN HERO”. It has all my biggest aspirations on the back, and all of the ways I’d like to be my own hero that day on the front. One of the things I wrote down has become a mantra for me the past couple of days— “forward momentum is the only requirement.”

My roommates and I have an uncanny ability to wake up around the same time. I woke up maybe 10 minutes ago, read my affirmations, and since then I’ve been sitting in bed and scrolling through Facebook. The second I thought, “I should enjoy a little quiet time with my book and my coffee,” my friend Jenna woke up and got on her phone too. Now we’re both sitting in bed, on our phones. As I began to type this, Sierra stirred in her bed. I think she might be coming to. The second I place my feet on the floor to use the bathroom, Lesli will wake up. I guarantee it. (Okay, so, she didn’t, but that did happen one time.)

I realized that I used my last K cup yesterday (damn that second cup), so I currently stand at Starbucks waiting for a peppermint mocha. I also ordered a cookie, but I don’t think the barista heard me. I took it as a sign from God I shouldn’t be having a cookie for breakfast and left it alone. 

For the last week or so, I’ve been paying very close attention to what I’m putting in my body. This decision has been inspired by something I wrote down on my Hero To-Do List: “Don’t put that junk in your body”. ‘Junk’, is refering to anything I have a craving for that could easily be switched for a healthier choice. Put good in, get good out right? (Not that a sugary coffee is a whole lot of goodness, but it’s good for my soul, and simply put I’m never going to deny myself a fun holiday drink.) 

One of my goals of late, as I mentioned before, is to get into shape. A big part of that requires eating healthier, and I’m not going to deny it, my diet is bad. I’ve never been the type to pay attention to things like nutrients or trans fat— if I wanted it, it sounded good, and it was there, I was going to eat it. I always felt slightly guilty about it, but never enough to actually warrant any change. I don’t know, I guess I’ve grown tired of treating my body poorly, which is probably a good thing!

Slowly but surely, I’m educating myself and attempting to eat better. It’s been small adjustments thus far. “Hey, let’s not eat a bag of Doritos.”, “Hey, let’s have a salad for lunch.”, “Hey how about treating yourself to a smoothie, not a soda?” Besides making small adjustments throughout the day, I’ve been looking at the nutrition labels for things I consume on the daily, like my cereal.

I always assumed that Frosted Flakes had lots of sugar, because, hello, that’s kind of the point of Frosted Flakes. Guys, Frosted Flakes has 15 grams of sugar per 1 cup serving, and 1 cup is so small! I was really curious about this so I seriously bought measuring cups, poured myself one cup of flakes, and dumped it in my cereal bowl so I could see for myself what 1 cup looked like in that context. It’s maybe half the bowl. And I don’t have a big bowl either, it’s the same as everyone else’s cereal bowl! I think on average I have 2, maybe 2 and a half cups. 30 grams of sugar in one meal? That can’t be good for me! Which sucks, because I love Frosted Flakes. They’re grrreat! (Don’t sue me Kellogg’s). Regardless, I’ve switched to regular, boring corn flakes. I’ll thank myself later.

I’ve also started running. That’s a big one for me. Whenever I had to run in gym class, I never managed to find my willpower to keep running when I got tired. In elementary school, the mile took me easily 11 minutes or so because I walked most of it. In middle school, I took a small liking to the two laps we’d have to run around the track. (What’s that called? 800 meters? I can’t remember— whatever, who cares, it was two laps so we’ll call it two laps.) I enjoyed pacing myself for the first one and a half laps, and sprinting my little heart out at the end. It became a challenge of mine to pick up my pace throughout the first lap, and see if I could still manage sprinting at the end. Then I began my sprint sooner. One time I think I tried to sprint the whole thing. That was a tough one, but I did it. 

In high school, I didn’t have to take a gym credit until senior year when I took international dance (but skipped it a bunch, gotta keep it real), so what little fitness I was getting came to a hault. I progressively felt more awkward, uncoordinated, and insecure in my own body. These feelings grew exponentially when I’d have to learn dances for the school musicals. Like I mentioned yesterday, I’d occasionally start a workout routine, but I’d always give up after awhile. 

So why is now any different from all the other times I’ve begun a fitness journey? Why am I so insistent that this time I’ll keep with what I’m after? 

For one, I’ve adapted my thinking. I feel like on a subconscious level, I knew at some point I was going to quit working out. I believe back then I saw my attempts to get into shape as a temporary thing. I would do the work until I found myself fit, and then probably take it easy for awhile. Now I’m more exact with myself, I’m viewing these changes that I’m making as permanent adjustments to my behavior. 

And when I want to revert back to old habits? Eat another bag of Doritos, have another burger for lunch, drink a soda, skip a run? What do I do when I’ve hit decision fatigue, and I make the exact kind of choices I’m hoping to avoid? 

I forgive myself. I remind myself that these goals I have are going to take some time. Indulging in something that’s a little unhealthy, or opting to stay in and watch Netflix doesn’t mean I’m in the end stages of my ‘attempt’ to improve myself, like I would’ve thought a few years ago. It just means that I’ve got some more work to do. 

I gave in today, and I drank a sprite. Regardless of the fact that I’ve already had more than my fair share of sugar from the Starbucks this morning. It made me feel like in a small way I had taken a step back, I wasn’t acting as my own hero. So, I forgave myself, and I decided I’d take a step forwards in a different way. I went to the studio for awhile and I rehearsed some of my music. I didn’t stop until I was satisfied with the work I had done. I’m gonna get a Caesar salad for dinner, and you know what I’ll probably go for a run later tonight, as I’m actually feeling kind of restless. “Forward momentum is the only requirement.” 

I’ve also been sharing my progress, the ups and the downs. Sometimes I send a snap to my family after I’ve finished a run, or I’ll send my mom a picture of what I’ve made for dinner. My roommates go to all sorts of restorative yoga and cardio classes that the school provides for free, and I’ll be joining them next week. And, clearly, I’m also being honest about when I trip up, as I literally just wrote about the Sprite thing and shared it with the internet. For the first time I’m talking about all of this, the working out and the healthy eating, and I’m telling it like it is. 

Lesli just reminded me that we’ve got plans to go see our friend kill it in AMDA’s production of Aida, so I have to go and get ready. 

Until the next cup of coffee!

Ken

(P.S. incase the title of this particular post has gotten a particular song stuck in your head, like it did for me, this is for you.)